ADHD and Social Struggles: Challenges and Support Strategies

Studies show that individuals with ADHD are more likely to be bullied. In one study, 47% of children with ADHD were bullied, and factors that increased the likelihood of bullying included problems making friends. Another study revealed that 57% of young teens with ADHD experienced bullying every week, including physical harm.

These early social difficulties often limit their chances to develop and practice social skills, contributing to further rejection. In fact, earlier research found that an ADHD diagnosis is often linked to being divorced or never married, feeling lonely, and having fewer close family connections.

In this article, we’ll look into the social challenges linked to ADHD, explore their possible reasons, and share evidence-based strategies to build stronger connections and improve social well-being.

ADHD and Social Struggles Across Different Age Groups

Social skills are the ways we communicate and interact with others, using both words and actions. These include things like smiling at the right time, sharing, helping others, and waiting for your turn.

It’s well-known that children with ADHD often struggle with these skills because their symptoms, like impulsivity or hyperactivity, can get in the way. Interestingly, these social challenges can look different at various stages of life, as ADHD symptoms manifest differently as people grow.

Children with ADHD

Kids with ADHD often struggle to fit in with their peers because of certain behaviors. During play, they might:

• Try to take charge too much
• Interrupt others
• Refuse to change or compromise
• Try to tell others what to do
• Bother others
• Get angry or upset quickly
• Argue a lot
• Get frustrated easily
• Not pay attention during games
• Break the rules during play

In the classroom, these challenges show up in different ways. Findings suggest that children with ADHD are often disliked by their classmates because of behaviors like:

• Not staying focused
• Causing disruptions
• Frequently asking for help
• Acting defiant
• Struggling to stay calm or control their actions

When working on negotiation tasks, they often try to take charge. Their suggestions can sometimes come across as selfish or inconsiderate compared to other kids.

Experts describe a type of social struggle faced by individuals with ADHD as "social awkwardness" or a lack of "savoir-faire." This means they often find it hard to understand or handle social situations smoothly. ADHD and social awkwardness frequently overlap, affecting about 20% of kids and teens with ADHD.

This difficulty is often compounded by hyperactive and impulsive behaviors. Kids with these traits may act in ways that others see as disruptive or aggressive. These behaviors can make it harder for them to form connections and may even lead to peers reacting negatively.

To make matters worse, research shows that children with ADHD often think they have many friends, but their classmates don’t always feel the same way. This lack of mutual connection can lead to feelings of isolation and increase the chances of being excluded or bullied.

Adolescents with ADHD

Adolescence is a time when social connections become especially important. Unfortunately, there is still much to understand about how ADHD symptoms contribute to social challenges in teens.

One study found that early ADHD symptoms in teens could predict social struggles five years later. These included:

• Having fewer close friends
• Difficulty maintaining friendships
• More peer rejection
• Less participation in activities with friends during late adolescence and early adulthood

A 2022 study examined social functioning in adolescents with and without ADHD. It found that teens with ADHD face significant challenges in:

• Social awareness
• Communication
• Understanding others

These challenges were strongly linked to ADHD symptoms, with hyperactive/impulsive symptoms being more closely associated with peer rejection.

A notable shift seen during adolescence is the decline in social motivation or the desire to engage with others.

Younger children with ADHD often show normal levels of social motivation, likely because kids are less aware of their social struggles. However, as they grow older, repeated rejection and growing self-awareness make them feel less inclined to socialize.

Another long-term study supports this. It shows that peer problems in kids with ADHD create a cycle where they struggle to improve their social skills. This leads to more rejection and greater difficulties in other areas of life.

Adults with ADHD

In 2022, researchers reviewed qualitative studies exploring the personal experiences of adults with ADHD, including their interactions with society. Here’s what they found:

These social struggles align with the findings from other reports. For instance, one participant in another paper shared how having a messy living space made it hard to build deeper relationships because they felt they couldn’t invite people over.

Verbal communication was another common challenge. Some participants said that when they tried to explain themselves to clarify a point, others found it overbearing or “weird,” which often led to misunderstandings.

Impulsivity also made maintaining long-term relationships difficult. Many participants admitted they’d quickly lose interest or impulsively move on to new partners instead of working through issues.

Results from a separate study showed that people with inattentive symptoms were more likely to think about alternatives to their current relationship, like considering other potential partners. They were also less likely to handle conflict constructively when their partner upset them.

Meanwhile, those with hyperactive/impulsive symptoms often reacted negatively to their partner’s bad behavior, which could escalate conflicts even more.

Tips to Improve Social Skills in ADHD

Social skills training has often been recommended to help individuals with ADHD improve their social abilities. However, strong and reliable research is lacking, making it difficult to determine whether this approach is truly effective.

Moreover, it has been criticized for focusing on teaching individuals with ADHD to behave more like neurotypical people, rather than appreciating their unique ways of thinking and interacting. Critics argue that the emphasis should be on fostering understanding and acceptance of these differences, rather than pressuring neurodiverse individuals to conform to societal norms.

Instead, here are practical approaches and strategies to help you or your child develop social skills in a way that embraces individuality.

In Children and Teens with ADHD

Social skills can be taught, practiced, and improved. Below are some of the ways to make that happen.

1. Model Through Internal Dialogue

Kids learn a lot from watching their parents, and this includes social behavior. Try vocalizing your thoughts out loud to show them how you process social situations. For instance:

While watching a TV show together, you could say, “That character looks really upset because his friend ignored him. If I were him, I’d feel hurt, too. What do you think he’s feeling right now?”

When you share your inner dialogue, you’re helping your child understand how to consider the thoughts and feelings of others. This might initially feel awkward, but it helps them develop their own internal “self-talk,” which is essential for building empathy and awareness.

2. Teach the Value of Reciprocal Conversations

Reciprocal conversations, where both parties share and listen, are important to making friends. Kids with ADHD might struggle when they’re uninterested in the topic, so teaching them to “fake it” respectfully can help.

For example, talk about a movie that your child doesn’t like. Encourage the child to respond, “Oh, that sounds fun! What did you like about it?” Then, remind them that next time, it will be their turn to talk about something they enjoy.

Role-playing can be especially helpful. Practicing in low-pressure situations gives kids the confidence to navigate conversations in real-life settings.

3. Praise Specific Social Wins

Positive reinforcement helps children recognize behaviors that lead to successful interactions, encouraging them to repeat those actions.

After your child shares a toy with a peer, say, “I noticed you let Jack play with your car first. That was so thoughtful. It probably made him feel happy.”

Or, if they join a group game, you could say, “You joined in with the soccer group today, even though you were nervous. That’s such a brave thing to do!”

Focusing on specific actions helps children understand what they did well, rather than vague praise like “Good job.”

4. Encourage Small Playdates and Extracurricular Activities

Source: Pexels

Playdates are a great opportunity for your preschool or elementary school-age child to learn how to get along with others. When planning playdates, invite one or two friends at a time instead of a larger group. Structure the activities and keep the playtime short for the best experience.

As children grow, friendships can become harder, especially in middle and high school. If your child struggles socially, you need to stay involved and help them develop positive relationships. They might be tempted to join a group with negative influences just to feel accepted.

Childhood ADHD has been linked to future increased crime rates, costing society $2 to $4 billion annually. To help, encourage your child to join supportive activities like Scouts or sports, ensuring group leaders understand ADHD and promote positive social skills.

5. Help Your Child Reflect on Past Social Successes

While children with ADHD may struggle with working memory, research shows they often excel in recalling detailed personal events from their episodic memory. You can leverage this to encourage your child to engage in social opportunities.

If your child hesitates, help them reflect on similar experiences they enjoyed. Look through photos, share stories, and ask questions to bring those positive memories to the surface. Reminding them of the fun they had and their accomplishments can boost their confidence and willingness to try again.

6. Work with Teachers and Coaches

Social struggles often bleed into the classroom. Kids with ADHD may already have a negative reputation with their peers because of past outbursts or awkward moments. As a parent, you can help by working with teachers, coaches, and others to address this issue.

Build a positive relationship with your child’s teacher by sharing their strengths, interests, and challenges, as well as strategies that have worked at home.

In Adults with ADHD

Improving your social skills may feel overwhelming at times, but with practice and the right resources, you can make meaningful progress.

1. Learn About Social Skills

Start by understanding what social skills are and identifying the areas you’d like to improve. There are several excellent books that can guide you:

Michele Novotni, Ph.D., is a well-known ADHD expert and clinical psychologist. This book is based on her experience working with individuals with ADHD. It aims to explain social rules in a simple, relatable way and provides actionable tips for:

• Navigating conversations
• Understanding body language
• Avoiding common social mistakes

While it's not a research-heavy book, it draws on real-life examples and clinical insights, making it a valuable resource for improving social skills.

This book also focuses on relationship dynamics. Written by Michael Bell, a therapist with ADHD, it offers practical, cognitive-behavioral strategies and solutions-based techniques. It aims to help address

• Intimacy issues
• Tackle problems that may harm relationships
• Work toward building healthier, lasting connections

Learning from these resources can give you insights into social behaviors, like how to identify unspoken rules, handle tricky conversations, and build meaningful relationships.

2. Adopt a Positive Attitude

Approach your social growth with a positive mindset. Be open to feedback from others and view it as an opportunity to improve. Consider practicing gratitude by reflecting on social interactions that went well, even if small. This can help you stay motivated and open to improvement.

Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage your growth. Seeking out a mentor or joining an ADHD support group can provide a safe space for practicing new skills.

3. Set Goals

Choose one social skill to work on at a time. By focusing on one goal, you can master it before moving on to the next, making your progress more manageable and effective. For example:

• If interrupting is an issue, work on waiting for others to finish speaking.
• If you find it hard to remember names, practice associating names with visual images.

Use SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to track progress. You can also keep a journal to reflect on your progress and identify what works best.

4. Clarify Conversations

Conversations can be tricky when attention drifts. Develop habits to confirm information by saying:

• “Did I understand you correctly?”
• “Can you repeat the key points to make sure I didn’t miss anything?”

You can also ask for feedback, such as, “Let me know if I’m making sense.” These techniques ensure clarity and show others that you value communication.

If instructions or important points are given verbally, write them down immediately to prevent forgetting or misinterpreting them.

5. Observe and Learn from Others

Find role models in your personal or professional life who are skilled at socializing. Pay attention to:

• How they initiate conversations
• The tone and language they use
• Their body language and expressions

Television shows or movies with strong character interactions (e.g., sitcoms or dramas) can also offer examples of how to handle various social situations. Watching these with a critical eye can provide practical lessons.

You can choose a specific skill to observe, like how someone handles disagreements politely, and practice it in your own interactions.

6. Practice Through Role Play

Rehearse social situations with someone you trust. By practicing in a safe environment, you’ll get feedback and improve your skills before applying them in real life. Role-play common scenarios, such as:

• Introducing yourself at a social event
• Handling disagreements politely
• Responding to compliments or criticism

After role-playing, ask your partner what you did well and what could be improved. Use this feedback to refine your approach.

7. Visualize Success

Picture yourself in a specific social situation and imagine how you’d handle it. Rehearse what you’ll say or do in your mind. The more you visualize, the more confident you’ll feel when the situation arises. Visualize details like:

• Your tone of voice
• Body language (e.g., maintaining eye contact, relaxed posture)
• The flow of conversation

Combine visualization with role play for more effective practice. For example, imagine a conversation, then practice it aloud with a friend.

Final Thoughts

Social difficulties are a persistent reality for individuals with ADHD, manifesting differently at each life stage. In children, impulsivity and hyperactivity often lead to peer rejection and struggles with forming friendships.

Adolescents face evolving challenges as social dynamics grow more complex, with rejection and reduced motivation to engage socially becoming prominent. For adults, these issues extend to workplace interactions and maintaining personal relationships, often compounded by misunderstandings and impulsive behaviors.

Practical strategies like modeling social behavior, goal setting, role-playing, and seeking support can help improve social skills. Focusing on understanding and embracing neurodiversity, rather than forcing conformity, is key to fostering meaningful relationships and building confidence in social interactions.

FAQs on ADHD and Social Struggles

How does inattentive ADHD affect social skills?

Inattentive ADHD can impact social skills by making it harder to stay focused during conversations, remember details about others, or pick up on social cues. This can lead to misunderstandings or difficulties building connections, even if the individual has good intentions. Practical strategies like active listening and using visual reminders can help improve these interactions.

Can ADHD lead to social anxiety?

Yes, results from a recent study showed a wide range in the overlap of these two conditions. Among people with social anxiety disorder (SAD), the prevalence of ADHD varied between 1.1% and 72.3%. Conversely, in individuals with ADHD, the prevalence of SAD ranged from 0.04% to 49.5%. The studies also revealed that people who experience both SAD and ADHD face greater difficulties in their lives compared to those who have only one of the conditions.